The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy by Diane England
Author:Diane England [England, Diane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Death; Grief; Bereavement, Self-Help, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Family & Relationships, ebook, book, Emotions
ISBN: 9781440513930
Google: ZcrrDQAAQBAJ
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2009-07-18T23:56:44.509262+00:00
Chapter 8
Change Your Thinking
Irrational Belief #1
Irrational Belief #2
Irrational Belief #3
Irrational Belief #4
Irrational Belief #5
Irrational Belief #6
Irrational Belief #7
Irrational Belief #8
Irrational Belief #9
Irrational Belief # 10
Irrational Belief # 11
Irrational Belief # 12
Some partners of PTSD sufferers have come to feel better about their relationships not because their partners improved significantly, but because of the actions that they themselves took. Thereâs a saying that it isnât what happens to you thatâs important, but rather the meaning you attach to what happens to you. In other words, what do you tell yourself about whatâs happening? What is your self-talk?
Psychiatrist Dr. Albert Ellis came to realize that many people essentially undermine their chances for happiness by adhering to beliefs that he came to label as irrational. He identified a dozen of these that caused people to engage in self-talk that resulted in their experiencing some type of strong negative emotion. Whether it was anger or sadness, for example, adherence to one or more irrational beliefs kept these people from experiencing or enjoying the type of lives they undoubtedly wanted.
You face challenges being with a partner with PTSD. The thing is, if you are clinging to one or more of these irrational beliefs, you may be struggling more with this relationship than you need to be. If you can let go of any irrational beliefs you may have and replace then with more rational ones instead, you could completely change how you perceive your relationship. And as a result, you may come to feel better about it without your partner doing anything at all.
Letâs look at the irrational beliefs that Dr. Ellis identified.
Irrational Belief #1: I Have Certain Needs
That Must Be Met
While everyone has a few basic needs to ensure survival, most âneedsâ could be classified as wants. Theyâre things weâd prefer to have, but it isnât life-threatening to be deprived of them. Nonetheless, we turn them into matters of life and death. By doing so, we become miserable when we canât attain or sustain what was desired. If circumstances change and demand we give up something we believe we need, weâre apt to experience great distress. Whatever gifts the present offers are totally ignored.
Has this irrational belief infiltrated your life because of your partnerâs PTSD? There may be things youâve perceived as needs that are no longer being metâsuch as having sex so many times a week. If you want to support your partner and sustain the relationship, try to start thinking of these things as preferences or wants instead of absolute needs. As you do this, you might discover a more flexible or accepting side of yourself that has remained a stranger.
Irrational Belief #2: I Canât Stand Certain
Events or Things
When you cling to this belief, you make it difficult to accomplish what you must. You may get worked up or emotional about things you canât controlâsuch as the fact your partner has PTSD. Your negative response wonât correct the situation, but it will make it more difficult to tolerate whatâs going on in the present.
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